Insecurity
by Doctorkei23
Summary: Zoro has been keeping some feelings inside for some time now. Half of him knows he's just being paranoid, but the other half really believes something's wrong with his relationship with Sanji. Is it jealousy, insecurity, or fear?


Title: Insecurity

Author: Doctorkei23/Cursedkei23

Pairing: Zoro/Sanji

Rating: PG-13

Words: 1,805

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. The story and characters belong to Eichiro Oda.

_When a man falls in love, first there is desire! _

_Then, passion! Then, suspicion! _

_Jealousy, anger, betrayal._

_When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. _

_Without trust there is no love. _

_Jealousy, yes! Jealousy, will drive you... maaaaaaaad!_

"So, tell me again where is that you're going?"

"Oh, don't play dumb now. I've been telling you for hours where I'm going."

"I'm not playing dumb. I just want to know where are you're going."

"Okay. For the tenth time, I'm going to some pub. There! Happy now?"

"Oh. And why is it that you're going there?"

"Oh, so there's gotta be a reason why I'm going there?"

"Not really. I'm just curious."

"That doesn't sound like curiosity to me. Sounds more like anger"

"Anger? Why would I be angry? I just don't understand why my boyfriend is going to a pub so late at night"

"Well, pubs are open AT night. But if you must know, Ivankov called me and told me I should hang out at his pub. Besides, I'm just really bored so I'm not doing anything wrong by going out. Or am I?"

"No."

"Are you mad?"

"No"

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No. Go."

"Okay. Call you when I get back"

"Love you"

"Hn"

"What's wrong?"

"Love you too, bye"

The green-haired man hung up without waiting for the other's goodbye. After 2 minutes the cell phone beeped, announcing an incoming text.

"I hope this doesn't become an issue. I love you, my love"

"Yeah right. If you'd really loved me, you would've stayed in your house." said the green-haired man back to the cell phone, as if waiting for an answer but receiving none.

Several minutes passed by of him gripping the cell phone to contain the anger threatening to get out, so he got up the sofa and went to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. Knowing that every time he got some emotional turmoil his appetite always vanished, he opted for going to his room and play some Xbox.

After the first 5 minutes of him holding the controller, he threw it against a wall resulting in dozens of white pieces down into the ground. He just couldn't get his mind out of this. His anger was so strong he wasn't able to contain the tears. He hated every time he got like this, but it was hard for him. After being dumped by his boyfriend two times before, he got paranoid. Yeah, he had gotten together with him again, but his fear of being dumped a third time consumed his mind. It didn't help either that every time his boyfriend had left him, they were doing great, so he felt it didn't matter if they were happy and okay, something bad might happen. And his boyfriend doing these kind of things, didn't made these thoughts go away either. _What things? Going out with his friends? Is that wrong? Would you like for him to get angry if you were to go out? _"YES! I mean, no. I don't know. If he got jealous it might show me that he loves me" _Since when have you thought jealousy is a way of showing love? _"I don't! I just... oh shut up! Besides, he never goes out with his friends when I'm at his house! It's like he waits when I go back to my house to start going out to all of these places. Almost like I bore him out, so he needs to do something fun for a change." _Or maybe he just likes to spend time with just you, so he just declines all the invitations. Have you ever thought about that?_ "Pfft. I highly doubt that. He just likes his freedom. I'm just the chains that hold him to monotony" _Is that what you really think? _"Yes!" _So he also makes you feel monotonous?_ "No..." _Huh._

He really didn't think of his life with his boyfriend as monotonous. If anything, he's the one who had given him a new meaning to life; the one who had made him more active. But sometimes he felt that he didn't mean the same to his boyfriend. You kinda tend to feel that way when that person is your first, but you're his fourth. "He did say that I was the only person he'd get married a second time" he said with a melancholic smile in his face. _Then why does that makes you sad? _"I'm not sad..." _Are you denying me what I can see? _"It's more like a bittersweet feeling" _Why? _"He hasn't said that in months. He stopped saying it after we got together again." _So? _"I feel like he just doesn't feel the same way about me than before" _DUDE, he got back with you for a THIRD time! How else can he show you he still loves you?_ "I... I... I know..." _Apparently, not that well_. "Ugh! Why do I even listen to you anyway? _I know. Shouldn't you call someone? It's kind weird to be talking to your conscience about something like this._

Hearing his own advice, he got the phone out and decided to call someone. But when he was browsing through the contacts, he felt sick. What he was doing felt wrong to him. He wasn't the kind of person to dump all his problems on people. He never liked it. _Yeah, but that's the problem. The reason you become a time bomb it's because you bottle up all those feelings, all those doubts, and you don't know when you're not gonna take it anymore. That's ten times more dangerous than telling you're problems to a friend_. He knew this was true, but that didn't make him change his mind. He felt he was cheating if he were to complain to someone about his boyfriend. If there was someone he was going to complain to, it would be to his boyfriend himself.

Putting down his cell phone, he got his laptop and opted for listening to some music. At first, he searched for the "You-lied-to-me-you-don't-love-me-anymore-I-hate-you kind of songs but as time passed by, he felt his boyfriend didn't deserve those words. Stopping the song, he started to really think about his relationship. "Do I really feel like I'm not loved? No! Do I really feel that my boyfriend isn't as committed as before? No! Do I believe that my boyfriend will dump me a third time? Yes... But so damn what? Relationships can last for years, but also can last just months. I lived this already. So, after going through the same experience twice, have I learned something? Yes! I learned I shouldn't dwell in the past nor the future. I have to accept the fact that my relationship can end anytime, but I should just enjoy it while it lasts. I know it'll hurt like hell if he leaves me, and it might feel like I won't recover from it a third time, but that's just the way it is. My boyfriend has lied to me before, and have broken my heart many times already but he also has showed me that even though all that we have been through, he likes my company and that he really wants to try to be with me for the rest of his li-" He got interrupted by his cell phone that had just received a text which at the top of the cell phone's screen read: "My love! I miss you so damn much. It doesn't feel the same without you. Can't wait to go pick you up! I love you! Call you later" At that moment the green-haired man started crying. But this time, it wasn't tears of anger or desperation. It was tears of guilt and happiness. He felt guilty for saying those things about his boyfriend while his boyfriend was probably thinking how much he missed him.

_You see? _Shut up! _You forgot the most important thing of all! _I said shut up! _He has shown you that he truly loves you. _I know. I'm such a fucking idiot! _Yes you are._

Ring-ring-ring

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe. Whatchu doing?"

"Nothing. Just writing"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... So, what got you motivated?"

"Nothing really. Just some things I've been thinking as of lately"

"Oh, okay."

"Umm, Sanji?"

"What's wrong?"

"I gotta be honest with you. I kind-of got mad with you for going out to the pub tonight"

"Why?"

"Well, I got kind of jealous"

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought you got tired of me so you were going to cheat on me, or something. I don't know"

"Why would I cheat on you? We're doing great. I don't have the need to look for another person."

"I know, I know. I just... I felt a little useless"

"Useless? What do you mean?"

"Well, you were really bored today and even if you were talking with me you didn't got entertained so I thought I bored you more"

"What? No. You're such an idiot!"

"Wha-"

"Look, Zoro. The reason why I get bored every time you go back to your house is because it's not fun to do the things I do without you anymore. So, not having you here makes me bored and I need to get my mind off things until I see you again."

"But you used to do all kinds of things before and you didn't get bored"

"Yes. But life with you is so different and so amazing, that every time you leave it's like you take the life out of things."

"Oh. Wow. I guess I really am an idiot" _Told ya! _"Sorry, Sanji..."

"Aaaaaaanyway, you doing something tomorrow?"

"No, why?"

"I'm picking you up tomorrow"

"Tomorrow? But weren't you picking me up this Sunday?"

"Yeah, I know. But I miss you like hell, so I want to see you!"

"Pfft. You silly..."

"Why am I silly? Don't you miss me?"

"You have no idea." _You really have no idea._

After hanging up and feeling much better for taking that weight out of his chest, he decided to go to sleep. He really was the luckiest man alive to have such an amazing boyfriend. He couldn't promise he wouldn't get jealous or angry again, but he definitely could promise he would trust his boyfriend.

In the dead of night, there was a beep that announced the last notification of the night. It read: "Hey, I love you". No one heard it, but there was a hand that gripped the cell phone tightly and whispered...

_I love you too, my prince._

_Why does my heart cry?  
Feelings I can't fight!  
You're free to leave me but  
Just don't deceive me!  
And please believe me when I say  
I LOVE YOU!_


End file.
